Calm Relaxed Confident

Stephanie Cavendish

What we tell ourselves about ourselves and

What we tell others about ourselves

Really Matters

If we repeatedly tell ourselves we have too much pain, are too tired, or too busy, then that becomes our firm belief and part of our subconscious identity, and that is not helpful. As you become more aware of how you think and talk about yourself, out loud and in your own head, you will notice you can alter your phrasing and feel better immediately. It is important not to describe or refer to yourself as your diagnosis or symptom. Don’t say ‘I am a Myasthenic’. Don’t claim to ‘own’ an illness as your very own identity. Never say ‘my’ pain, ‘my’ anxiety or ‘my’ Fibromyalgia. Try ‘that’ pain or ‘the’ anxiety. If you have a pain relief anchor or one to slow tremors, the words are ‘Stop That’.

Always distance yourself from a diagnosis, never own it, it’s not denial, it’s just not taking on the diagnosis as your identity.

As a therapist, nothing is more important to me than encouraging people to talk about themselves kindly, with compassion and respect both in their own head and to other people. Would you talk to someone else the way you talk to, and about, yourself?

What is the story you tell about yourself? Let me use myself as an example. Both of these stories are mine. Which one do you think I use? Which empowers me to have an amazing career helping others, travelling, living where I choose, hopping on and off of cruise ships and doing things that help me feel fantastic?


It most certainly isn’t the version that keeps me stuck in victim mode, terrified of when then next flare up ‘might’ happen, telling everyone how sick I am, competing to be the ‘sickest person in the online chat room’ - because no one outside of chat forums will believe me when I say I don’t feel well, then telling myself scary stories and setting off my stress chemicals – because we all know that stress causes flare ups and I don’t need those any longer … no, I assure you, I don’t use that version – even though it is just as true and just as lived through as the other version.


I couldn’t do the amazing things I do with my life if I was still stuck at version 1.

I’ll take hypnotherapy and coaching techniques over being stuck in the cobweb at version 1.

Version 1

When I was 10, my dad remarried. He rejected us entirely, stopped his family from contacting us, leaving my mum alone to struggle financially. She lost the house and we had to move away. For 4 years I had to cycle 22 miles a day to stay at my school. I never knew why my own dad didn’t care about me. I never got along with my stepfather.

I ended up in my own violent and abusive marriage, running away, changing my name, taking my daughter out of school for her safety, leaving my house and every penny I’d worked so hard for behind.


I went through multiple traumas. I nearly died, twice. The first time was anaphylactic shock. Adrenaline injections saved my life but there were consequences. I have a list of chronic diseases including Myasthenia Gravis, Fibromyalgia ME/CFS and more.


I was ‘made redundant’ by my employer of 10 years for the audacity of becoming disabled. I won a settlement but with a NDA and a spiteful, career-disrupting reference.


Not one but two bankruptcies when I’ve been seriously ill!


Caring for my ex-husband as he died from cancer because, despite all that abuse, he was still my daughter’s father. He purposefully ensured I was left with no money to raise her, more malice. At least there was no more fear of him coming to my house. Complicated emotions. I felt low, too much rejection, abuse, poverty, illness. I felt so ashamed of my illness, of myself, my situation.


I’d lost everything and I’d worked so hard to have that career and house and cars and holidays.

I didn’t know what to say to people I met because I didn’t ‘do’ anything for a long time.

Myasthenia weakens muscles. It makes the right hand side of my face ‘drop’. It’s embarrassing having to explain I’m not having a stroke when I talk to people. My walking is noticeably unsteady, no, I’m not drunk. I stay home, hide away and avoid people.


Version 2

I LOVE my life. I LOVE my job.

I’ve done so much, it’s been a rollercoaster…

I discovered my bloody-minded determination early on.


I wanted to carry on learning Spanish so when we moved house and the local school only offered German, I got a bike and cycled to my old school, 22 miles a day for 4 years. I was so fit. I think that’s why I’m able to cope so well now.


I wouldn’t have the life I have now if I’d stopped learning languages.

I got a great degree, Languages and Business, I worked in Madrid and Valencia.


I had a brilliant career, I bought lovely houses and cars. My old boss once asked me ‘Why do you always have to buy sexy cars?’ I said ‘because they are the only thing that brings me back to work for you, after my sexy holidays…’

I have an amazing daughter. She has been the largest part of my life for the past 20 years. We used to go to Lapland on Boxing Day each year. One year I bought an older gentleman with long white hair and a long white beard and a nice red suit home with us. I’m officially the best single mum in the world – I pulled Santa!

He’s my greatest friend he’s helped me and my daughter enjoy amazing things over the years. He helped us travel to Austria, Romania, France, Spain, Texas, Morocco, Canada and Italy. I taught my daughter about volcanoes in Pompeii. She learned about geography, history and life by visiting places. We had summers at festivals and on the Norfolk Broads. My daughter navigated the Viennese underground at 8 years old, now it’s airports and driving all over the place.

Confidence – I gave her confidence and freedom and choice.

I feel like I was a great mum.

I was a single parent and I home schooled her before it was fashionable, so we had all that extra time to live and experience so much more. She still got great qualifications and reads all the time.


She works with me now, so I can spend more time helping you.


She wanted a little white fluffy dog …called Christmas… so that’s what happened. I couldn’t think of a valid reason for my child not to call her tiny dog Christmas! It wasn’t about ‘my convenience’. I’ve often said the fear of embarrassment stops people doing things. Shouting out “Christmas” at the top of your voice in the middle of summer was a sure fire was to get over any fear of embarrassment!

She had a pony, dancing lessons, swimming, we chanted times tables and spellings as we drove around from place to place, eventually I taught her how to drive. She moved into her own home at 18.


Independent, smart, sassy resourceful, always learning, and I’m very proud of her.


I still love learning myself.


Hypnosis has been my passion for decades.


It’s really just speaking another language, like my Spanish or French. I’m always taking more courses or going to seminars and trainings.


Powerful, deep hypnotherapy keeps me well and I love to help people like me, with chronic illnesses, pain or anxiety change their lives for the better, just like I have.

I’ve always loved cruises and spa hotels – my favourite thing to enjoy alongside hypnosis!


So now, I go to the spa for a swim in the morning and then I come back to my lovely home in the English Cotswolds and hypnotise people to help them feel better… Unless I’m on a cruise ship – who would have thought you can still hypnotise your clients and help them feel better from your cabin.. using a ships satellite internet?


My Life feels a bit like .. when you were a carefree child, twirling round and round and round until you are so dizzy you fall down in the grass and can’t stop giggling.. You feel so good and for no particular reason.


It’s a great life and there are still amazing things to discover and explore.

FAQs

Will I lose control under Hypnosis?

Hypnosis is an “altered, relaxed, state of consciousness that is characterised by the bypassing of the critical faculties and increased susceptibility to suggestion”. When a person is under hypnosis, suggestions don’t pass through the critical faculties of normal consciousness. Instead, they enter the subconscious mind directly. Then, if these suggestions are accepted by the subconscious mind, the hypnotised person acts on them. However, the phrase “if these suggestions are accepted……” is key.  Hypnosis can not make you do anything that you do not want to do, or that is contrary to your moral or ethical values. You are in control at all times, you always know what is happening, and you can come out of the altered state at any time. Hypnosis will not make you unresponsive, lose your memory, lose control or reveal secrets. 

How effective is Hypnosis? 

Hypnotherapy is a highly effective, scientifically proven therapy, however, it also depends on your motivation and desire to change. You need to work alongside me and follow the full program of therapy, which includes practising the mindset exercises if you want to be able to continue to manage your physical reactions to stressful situations in the future. 

Cancellation Policy

My standard policy is that I require at least 48 hours notice of change to appointment time. If 24- 48 hours notice is given then 50% of the normal fee will be charged. If less than 24 hours notice is given then 100% of the normal fee will be charged. Having said that I recognise that challenging situations sometimes occur in life and my priority is always to treat people fairly and to try to re-arrange sessions. In the case of last minute cancellation or need to re-arrange, please call as soon as you can. Please do not book onto group programs if you will miss sessions. Recordings may not be available because of privacy and confidentiality.

What if I miss a group session?  

Each session builds upon the previous session and you need to practice the techniques I show you before the following session.  Please book a program you will be able to attend.  I cannot guarantee recordings of group sessions because of confidentiality.  The group program already includes one private session with me and I can run through the session you missed if that occurs before the private session has been taken. 

Is this a cure for Fibromyalgia?

No, at present there is no long term medical cure for Fibromyalgia.  I am not ‘removing’ Fibromyalgia, just as I cannot ‘re-grow’ a limb for my clients who have had life-changing accidents.  You will still have your diagnosis.  However, there are many ways to ease and soothe the collection of symptoms that together are called ‘Fibromyalgia’. I have gathered the techniques that have worked best to ease my own varied, fluctuating  symptoms of Fibromyalgia over the past 20 years and have created this program because there are so many people living alongside symptoms of Fibromyalgia.  Most of these people probably don’t’ have 20 years to try all the things I tried! 

How does the program work?

This program uses hypnotherapy relieve pain and soothe the symptoms of Fibromyalgia and anxiety. It then teaches you ways to calmly manage stress to reduce and prevent Flare Ups which will improve your Quality of Life in the long term. Once calm, and no longer distracted by pain, you can choose a new lifestyle that fits your life stage perfectly and I train you in ways to increase self-esteem, confidence, motivation and enthusiasm, so that you can enjoy living your Best Life. Calm, Relaxed, Confident – Despite Fibromyalgia 

Why is controlling our reaction to stress and anxiety such an important part of this program? 

Everyone who has Fibromyalgia knows that a lot of extra stress and anxiety will lead to a Fibromyalgia Flare up – more pain and worse symptoms. The Flare doesn’t necessarily happen immediately but in a day or two when there is seemingly no connection.  That is why people say they will ‘pay for it later’. This program reduces pain and other symptoms of Fibromyalgia AND teaches you how to manage stress and anxiety so that you can reduce the frequency and severity of Fibromyalgia Flares in the future. 

Do you offer a payment plan?

I accept payments by PayPal because they offer a PayPal Credit facility that you can set up before you book in with me. 

Can you help me stop smoking?

No, I don’t specialise in that area. I have a colleague I recommend who has an excellent track record for smoking cessation.  I regularly recommend people to colleagues who specialise in other areas of hypnotherapy.  

Frequently Asked Questions For Stephanie 

Is Stephanie ‘cured’? 

No, not from everything but I have other diagnoses as well as Fibromyalgia. 

Did these therapies enable Stephanie to get her life back on track without pain and brain fog?     

Yes.

Does Stephanie still need to use these techniques on a daily basis?    

Sometimes, yes, that’s the whole point of the program.  If I hear or see something that triggers my brain into starting my autonomic nervous system’s stress reaction, I need to calm it down by using these techniques.  None of us know what we will see and hear each day that will trigger us.

Does Stephanie still have hypnotherapy sessions?  

YES, I have excellent colleagues who help me sometimes.  I recommend them to clients who ask for help with issues I do not work with, like smoking cessation, weight loss, phobias etc.

Stephanie Cavendish BA(Hons) CHt, Tft-Adv

Certified Hypnotherapist since 2008

©2023 Calm Relaxed Confident